Dismay

As I made this drink for me,

the blood left my eyes,

I taste the poison leaning back,

and breath that one last sigh.

Holding this drinks, off to depths of hell I go,

eternally to burn, simmering and slow.

My thoughts are like a bird in cage.

My emotions are enclosed in my shell, 

and some in my own private hell.

Remember! everytime when we met,

You search your mind for something sweet.

You know I was trying to connect, as I dissect,

it scares the hell out of some of you.

Cause you know what I've viewed.

All I only wanted is, to know you in and out,

to feel your soul from deep within,

and be with you. No doubt.

I write only when it comes from the heart.

This is the only way I know to mend my shattered heart.

I very well know why you run away,

you were afraid of what I'll say.

Everytime when I saw you breathlessly running,

why didn't you see that I was not funning.

You only noticed my intensity,

but never felt my honesty.

Few like the feeling that I give,

to have someone who wants to know, what makes you live.

I always wonder how to deal with all this pain,

cause I don't want to be another Kurt Cobain.

All I can hear is that my train is coming,

and I am sitting with my beer and bumming.

But I don't drink at all, out of fear.

It's just another mask to hide, 

for all those tears that I should cry.

So I turned my emotions into words,

wrote it all out no matter how absurd.

As I sit here in perpetual emotion.

No use looking for some magic potion.

But it may as well be the end,

cause I was thrown away into hell.

I've always been the second one,

thrown away when there's something more fun.

Fun, money, fame, more important than a friend.

That's the message that you have send.

And I'm back to the deep.

and still crying myself to sleep.

Sitting alone like before.

No one knocking at my door.

Waiting to be used to it some more.

And when I lie in my bed,

I wish for only one dream to come true,

to see a morning when I'll not be blue.

But my bed tells me how am I going to die,

and then all i want to do is cry.

And as the sleep traps me and takes me in, 

my soul starts to burn, as so does my skin.

And standing on a stack of bodies,

I can see how things are moving.

My bones are turning  into dust,

and bed is nothing but heap of blood and rust...