"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... "
"One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!”
"A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!”
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."
"I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'."
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."
"Start every day with a smile and get it over with."
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. "
“Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison."
"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
"Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.”
"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.”
“In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out."
"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."
"Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”
"Reach for the stars - You might not always get a star, but at least you won't end up with a handful of dirt ......!"
"Keep the school clean ... stay home!"
"Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep!"
"If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought."
"What do I miss about my wife? Her absence."
"The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does not exist."
"Some people live because it is illegal to kill them!"
"Without the rubber tree the whole world would have AIDS"
"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes"
"If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?"
"Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred."
"Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest."
"No-one loves hard work more than the one who pays for it."
"What do you have in common with your husband?” We married on the same day."
"What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women."
"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain."
"Getting another boyfriend or husband is like buying a house. You have to improve yourself."
"One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!”
"A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!”
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."
"I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'."
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."
"Start every day with a smile and get it over with."
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. "
“Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison."
"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
"Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.”
"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.”
“In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out."
"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."
"Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”
"Reach for the stars - You might not always get a star, but at least you won't end up with a handful of dirt ......!"
"Keep the school clean ... stay home!"
"Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep!"
"If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought."
"What do I miss about my wife? Her absence."
"The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does not exist."
"Some people live because it is illegal to kill them!"
"Without the rubber tree the whole world would have AIDS"
"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes"
"If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?"
"Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred."
"Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest."
"No-one loves hard work more than the one who pays for it."
"What do you have in common with your husband?” We married on the same day."
"What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women."
"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain."
"Getting another boyfriend or husband is like buying a house. You have to improve yourself."
2 comments:
Ha Ha!!!
Cool Post
:-)
good collection :)
and most of them true too :P
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